Crocked Cannons spike spirited Spartans

Fetcham brush aside the loss of their starting centre (again) to get back to winning ways against Sutton.

Fetcham Cannons overcame the absence of centre Dy Gunasekara to win for the second time in the league this season, 58-53 at home to Sutton Spartans.

After losing their last match in a final-quarter meltdown against Guildford, Cannons this time prove rock-like in a snoozefest last quarter which twice saw the scoreboard lapse into ‘hibernate’ mode.

The Cannons found out only 48 hours previously that accident-waiting-to-happen Gunasekara would be out for a fortnight after spraining an ankle. While putting fuel in his car.

The gangly pivot, who leads the league in insurance premiums, duly turned up on the night to score every single point in the game. Sadly that was only with a biro – on the scoresheet, while his team-mates gave a stirring first-half display.

“£30 of diesel was it sir?”

 

 

With Superchav Phil West on his way to 19 points keeping the scoreboard ticking over, French playmaker Olivier Rival scorched Sutton with 11 second-quarter points as his opponents found his mazy dribbling as difficult to work out as French irregular verb endings.

Sutton edged the third quarter 15-17 but it could have been worse, with James Molyneux hitting seven points (or at least, that’s what his mum gave him on the scoreboard) in a 9-4 run that closed the quarter.

The last quarter was not one for the purists. Only 16 points were scored and Spartans threatened to steal the game when they closed to 54-50 with two and a half minutes remaining.

But Cannons were not in the mood to abjectly surrender as they had against Guildford and, although an exhausted Rival had to be revived later with oxygen and infusions of garlic and brandy, the hosts held on for the win, Tom Van Aardt hitting the final two points on an alley-oop play.

Match Details:

Fetcham 58 (West 19, Rival 13, Freeman 8), Sutton 53 (Brown 16, Budgen 11, Kempton 10). Quarter scores: 12-11, 23-17, 15-17, 8-8 

 

 

Centre Dy hailed as saviour by local hospital

Dy Gunasekara’s freak ankle injury while refuelling his car is just the latest mishap to befall the player critics are already calling ‘The Norman Wisdom of Basketball’.

Last season, the gangly Sri Lankan centre was cut on the chin during a match against Guildford. He lost a significant quantity of blood and, according to local A&E registrar Dr Jim Nookey, came within seconds of having to shave his silly beard off.

 

 

 

Dr Nookey performing a delicate medical procedure yesterday

“Wherever this man walks it seems there are banana skins, stray roller skates and open manhole covers,” said Nookey, who has treated the Fetcham pivot on numerous other occasions.

“He really shouldn’t be allowed out on his own. And even then, I would have to recommend he wear a suit made out of bubble wrap and carry a klaxon to inform others that he is in the vicinity.”

“We know Dy very well here,” added Dr Nookey. “In fact, the NHS would probably have closed our emergency room down years ago if an accident-prone doofus like him wasn’t living in the area.

“He seems to be in here every couple of months or so. He’s already been given his own parking space and we may invite him to our Christmas party this year.

“But in the interests of public safety he won’t be allowed to dance.”

(Dr Nookey can be seen in Carry On Again Doctor almost every two weeks on one of the many underfunded ITV stations.)