Fetcham Cannons Basketball club

Half-time Cannons come back ‘shock’ Epsom!

Mark Walls — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 21:07:12 +0000

Fetcham Cannons beat Epsom Rockets at the first game of the new season.

Full report to follow….

Another win for the boys!

doogmanstar — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 22:27:25 +0000

Crocked Cannons spike spirited Spartans

Fetcham brush aside the loss of their starting centre (again) to get back to winning ways against Sutton.

Fetcham Cannons overcame the absence of centre Dy Gunasekara to win for the second time in the league this season, 58-53 at home to Sutton Spartans.

After losing their last match in a final-quarter meltdown against Guildford, Cannons this time prove rock-like in a snoozefest last quarter which twice saw the scoreboard lapse into ‘hibernate’ mode.

The Cannons found out only 48 hours previously that accident-waiting-to-happen Gunasekara would be out for a fortnight after spraining an ankle. While putting fuel in his car.

The gangly pivot, who leads the league in insurance premiums, duly turned up on the night to score every single point in the game. Sadly that was only with a biro – on the scoresheet, while his team-mates gave a stirring first-half display.

“£30 of diesel was it sir?”

With Superchav Phil West on his way to 19 points keeping the scoreboard ticking over, French playmaker Olivier Rival scorched Sutton with 11 second-quarter points as his opponents found his mazy dribbling as difficult to work out as French irregular verb endings.

Sutton edged the third quarter 15-17 but it could have been worse, with James Molyneux hitting seven points (or at least, that’s what his mum gave him on the scoreboard) in a 9-4 run that closed the quarter.

The last quarter was not one for the purists. Only 16 points were scored and Spartans threatened to steal the game when they closed to 54-50 with two and a half minutes remaining.

But Cannons were not in the mood to abjectly surrender as they had against Guildford and, although an exhausted Rival had to be revived later with oxygen and infusions of garlic and brandy, the hosts held on for the win, Tom Van Aardt hitting the final two points on an alley-oop play.

Match Details:

Fetcham 58 (West 19, Rival 13, Freeman 8), Sutton 53 (Brown 16, Budgen 11, Kempton 10). Quarter scores: 12-11, 23-17, 15-17, 8-8

Centre Dy hailed as saviour by local hospital

Dy Gunasekara’s freak ankle injury while refuelling his car is just the latest mishap to befall the player critics are already calling ‘The Norman Wisdom of Basketball’.

Last season, the gangly Sri Lankan centre was cut on the chin during a match against Guildford. He lost a significant quantity of blood and, according to local A&E registrar Dr Jim Nookey, came within seconds of having to shave his silly beard off.

Dr Nookey performing a delicate medical procedure yesterday

“Wherever this man walks it seems there are banana skins, stray roller skates and open manhole covers,” said Nookey, who has treated the Fetcham pivot on numerous other occasions.

“He really shouldn’t be allowed out on his own. And even then, I would have to recommend he wear a suit made out of bubble wrap and carry a klaxon to inform others that he is in the vicinity.”

“We know Dy very well here,” added Dr Nookey. “In fact, the NHS would probably have closed our emergency room down years ago if an accident-prone doofus like him wasn’t living in the area.

“He seems to be in here every couple of months or so. He’s already been given his own parking space and we may invite him to our Christmas party this year.

“But in the interests of public safety he won’t be allowed to dance.”

(Dr Nookey can be seen in Carry On Again Doctor almost every two weeks on one of the many underfunded ITV stations.)

Season starts

doogmanstar — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:39:33 +0000

Godalming Gazette

If anything ever happens in leafy Surrey, we’re there! 35p

Classy Cannons crunch Ravens

Fetcham Cannons begin their tenancy at the Godalming Arena with a 63-61 win over Cranleigh in Surrey Division One.

Fetcham Cannons, a team of pitiful nomads with nowhere to call a gym only six weeks ago, showed amazing resilience to open their first season in Godalming with a 64-62 home win over Cranleigh Ravens.

Dy Gunasekara hit 27 points and Phill West hit four three-pointers in his 22 points in close game in which no quarter was won by more than two points.

Cannons began 10-4, but were pegged back by two threes from Cranleigh’s Jason Butler, a pattern that was to be repeated like the motif on the wall of an Indian restaurant.

Cannons’ biggest lead in the first half was just 34-29, in the second quarter, after a run of eight points in 10 from Gunasekara.

In the final quarter, a free throw from the oddly-bearded Sri Lankan opened a 56-51 lead, only for the visitors to again equalise.

A three-point play from West and a free throw and a two from Gunasekara wrested the lead back before a single free throw from former scourge of referees Mark Walls completed a Cannons victory made all the sweeter by no one getting locked in the changing rooms afterwards.

Despite many of the team showing the strain of having to read all that crap in papers and online about the credit crunch, they nonetheless fortified their efforts with reassuring thoughts of pinstriped bankers being forced to buy dogs and beg outside south eastern mainline rail terminals.

“Last season we would have lost a game like this,” said Cannons player-coach Olivier Rival (through a Reuters translator who was struggling with his outrageous French accent). “Did we win this one? Mon dieu, we did! It’s like we stormed the Bastille or something. I’m so happy! My Citroen it is full of eels!”

Fetcham 63 – Gunasekara 27, West 22

Cranleigh 61 – Butler 26, Trinder 8, Ward 8

18-17, 17-15, 16-15, 12-14

Fixture List Online

Mark Walls — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:27:29 +0000

The 2008-2009 Men’s Division One fixture list is now online. Just visit the ‘Fixtures & Results‘ page.

New venue

Mark Walls — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 21:22:31 +0000

Fetcham Cannons are delighted to announce they have moved to a new venue for the start of this season. Starting on 11 September, the Cannons will be holding training sessions and tryouts at Godalming College, Tuesley Lane, Godalming, Surrey GU7 1SB

New players are invited to come along to these sessions, which are from 7:30pm to 9:30 pm. Everyone is welcome. You can find out how to get to our plush new crib on Google Maps.

Cannons Award Night

doogmanstar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:21:08 +0000

The great and the good (and the Cannons players) assembled at the King William for the annual Fetcham Cannons award night. As the golden envelopes were opened, the winners were:

Cannons Player of the Year Phil West: His cap bears the legend ‘Bench’. Careful what you wish for…

Geoff Underdown: General Manager of the Year: A deserved recognition for landing the Good Club Award and putting up with the Cannons squad bitching all the time.

Watch those paper cuts! Centre Dy Gunasekara (Most Regular A&E), smug in the knowledge that he is a strain on the already hard-pressed NHS

Best Available Ref: Rob Dugdale: "He kept complaining he wasn't getting enough minutes," explained a sniggering Cannons source. "Now he gets the full 40. And still he's complaining..."

Bon chance next year, monsieur: Influential point guard Olivier Rival draws a France-at-Euro2008-style blank at the Cannons awards

End of the Season

Mark Walls — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:10:11 +0000

The Cannons season is now over until pre-season training at the start of September. Details of which will be published in August. There is an open session at Guildford University for 4 weeks in August -more details to follow.

Thanks for everyone who has helped the club this season.

Cannons win Good Club award!

doogmanstar — Thu, 15 May 2008 21:09:14 +0000

The Fetcham Cannons ended a subdued, defeat-prone 2007-08 season with a moral victory when they were awarded the Good Club award for the Surrey League First Division.

Cannons veteran guard Rob Dugdale was there to receive the award at the Surrey League AGM at Chessington on June 10th.

The much-coveted award is a tribute to the adroit organisational acumen and hard work of Cannons GM Geoff Underdown. More importantly though, it ensures a reduction in registration fees for the club next season.

The Cannons received the award:

For fulfilling all their fixtures by the end of the season
For having the correct number of match officials (that would be two) in all possible games
As a sympathy vote for centre Dy Gunasekara’s trip to casualty with a nasty cut to the chin
For not playing a certain unnamed member of the team with a penchant for official abuse at any point during the games. The committee further noted that although the unnamed player was ruled out through injury, the Cannons took care to ensure that his mouth was secured with duck tape at all times when he was allowed to coach.
For being the sort of people you could take home to meet your mum. If she was hard of hearing and didn’t mind her fridge being emptied by a bunch of sweaty basketball players, that is.

“It’s a great day for the Cannons and for Fetcham,” said a beaming Dugdale at the ceremony. “I hope the villagers and their livestock will be proud of our achievement. Maybe this time we should have that open-top bus ride we never got round to after we won the league four years ago.”